Army Brat
by boomshark
Summary: something happens that transforms Sheppard! McKay has to deal with the consequences!


takes place second season-ish.

probably end up being around 5-6 chapters.

please leave a comment!

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><p>"Ow ow ow ow!"<p>

"Colonel?"

Rubbing my head didn't make me feel any better, I am sure. "Ow!" I closed my eyes real tight, 'cause I was pretty sure that keeping 'em closed would make it hurt less. It was working too.

"Are you all right?"

I squeezed 'em super tight now, 'cause I didn't recognize that voice, and that probably wasn't good.

"Colonel?"

The voice was so much closer now that my eyes opened all accidentally, and then everything was still dark. "Ah! I can't see!"

"Oh… uh. Um, Colonel, you have a… your shirt is blocking your eyes."

I stopped movin' around so much and pushing against the thing covering my face, and started 'focusing' like mom always said to do. Maybe I should listen to that lady more, 'cause that 'focusing' worked like a charm.

"You know…" I said real slow once I moved the shirt, staring back at the guy who'd been talking to me. He was on one knee and leaning up really close to me. "You can't talk to me 'cause I'm not 'upposed to talk to strangers-oh, an-an' my name isn't kernel it's John but I do have a friend named Collin and that's kinda' like kernel but you should pro'ly just call me John…-"

The guy was lookin' at me really funny, kinda scared almost, so my words ran away and I stared back without them. But then the threads hanging off the shirt got real interesting so I looked at them instead.

"This isn't good." he suddenly announced and leaned away.

I picked at the threads, letting him know again, "I can't talk to you."

He was quiet for a minute, and one of the strings came out. "Right, look, just stay there while I... I'm going to go read something."

When people tell me to stay, I always think about Pete and how he would never listen when I told him to do that, and I always figured, if Pete doesn't do it, why should I? so's I got up to my feet. "Hey!" I yelled, "My shirt is way too big!"

The guy looked up from a big rock he was lookin' at real close-like, telling me in a voice Mr. Owen is always using, "I thought you said you weren't supposed to talk to me."

I clapped my hands over my mouth with a big gasp 'cause I remembered I wasn't supposed to be talking to that guy!

Guy's face went weird, and then he started looking at his rock again.

I looked up at the ceiling and saw that it was very far away, and not even Chris could probably touch the top. Not even two Chris's could probably! I imagined two Chris's standing on each other and that was kind of funny, but then I saw that there were huge drawings on the wall behind the guy and that was even more cool! And I started to tell that to the guy, but then my hands were still over my mouth.

Letting my hands go where they wanted, I yelled, "Look at those drawings!" and walked over to them. Well, I tried to walk over to them, but then my feet got all tangled up in more clothes and I fell down.

"Ow!"

"Please shut up and stay still." was all that guy said, and my chin kinda' hurt and that wasn't very nice, so I said, "You're mean!"

He said, "I know."

Pulling myself up to my feet again, I rubbed my chin 'cause it was hurt, and then I made sure my feet were loose from all the clothes this time before I walked forward again.

Sniffing as I walked by the man and still rubbing my chin, I said, "You're mean, and you have a funny mouth."

He did something that Pete does a lot. He ignored me.

Using my biggest frown, I decided to ignore him too and looked up at the wall instead. "Ooooh." I commented. I remembered 'commenting' from my mom's radio show you see, so I pointed up at the wall and said loudly, "That is something people should comment on!" I put special importance on 'comment' so that guy would know that I am smarter then the average Joe.

Guy groaned. "Well, at least now I know that you were always this annoying."

"Excuse me, but I do not even _know _you." I told him very forceful. Suddenly I remembered that this was getting boring and even though the drawings were really cool I was definitely getting bored. "And I think you will take me home now."

He mumbled something and I let him know that mumbling was very rude.

"I want to go home." I also let him know.

"Not right now." he said, waving a hand at me, still reading his rock.

"I want to go home now!" I yelled, hands on my hips like mom does.

"Not yet!" He yelled at me, but he turned around now and I noticed he had his hands on his hips too.

"I wanna' go home!" I shouted, stomping my foot.

"NOT RIGHT NOW!" He shouted back, and he shouted louder then me and he was also kinda' scary so my mouth closed and I took a step back.

"Thank you," he said much more calmly, taking his hands off his hips and turning back around to look at his rock some more.

After a minute I asked, "How 'bout now?"

His whole body kinda' jerked and then he yelled, "I - Fine! I can't get any work done here anyway!" He started stomping over to where those clothes that had tripped me were, picking them up angrily and talking to himself. "I'll take him back to Atlantis, get Zelenka and a crew helping me to decipher this… let Carson deal with him-"

"You're taking me home now?" I asked, chewing on the end of the too-long shirtsleeve.

He made a face. This guy made a lot of faces, I knew that now. "Not quite. First I'm taking you back to… well, to my home, I guess."

"Oh." I frowned, still chewing. "Is my mom there? 'Cause I can't go if she's not."

He walked right by me real fast without saying anything and I had to run to catch up to him.

I spit my sleeve out. "Did you know we're in a cave?" I told him as we went.

He sighed like he practiced it everyday. He was very good at it. "Yes. I know we're in a cave."

"I don't remember how I got here, though." I said, putting the sleeve in my mouth again and feeling the cold part where I'd already sucked on it.

"Yeah, well," he looked off to the side, "don't worry about it."

I decided I should not worry about it. Then the guy and me walked for a million minutes before we finally reached the opening of the cave. "Look!" I yelled when I saw it, "The end!"

He started walking even faster and I really had to run to catch up with that guy.

When we got outside, we walked even more. I realized the sun was really bright, and I told that to him.

"Actually," he said, sounding very important now, "this planet's equator is aligned at just the right degrees so the sun is warming the planet at reasonable temperatures the majority of the year. Granted, this planet's years are much shorter then ours, but that's still impressive, and probably something we should take note of when we're back on Atlantis. Might be useful for additional crops or-" his mouth stumbled for some reason when he looked down at me, and then he looked away, so I decided it was my turn.

I pushed the sleeve out with my tongue. "You sound like Mr. Owen." I let him know.

He frowned. "Who?"

"Mr. Owen!" I said very surprised. "You don't know him? I thought you were a teacher!"

"What? Why?"

"Well," I rolled my eyes, this guy was a 'real piece of work.' That is a something I hear from my mom. "You sound just like him!"

"You're logic is flawed, but please," he waved a hand, "go on."

I liked the way he did that, so I said, "Mr. Owen helps me with my numbers." and then I waved my hand.

He lifted one of his eyebrows, but he did not 'comment.' "Huh. By 'numbers', I assume you mean math. So… you aren't naturally just good at math? You needed help?" He looked surprised.

I laughed and pointed. "You are so wrong! I am a natural. Everyone tells me so," and I waved my hand again and decided that I really liked doing that and I hoped the guy would 'comment' this time.

But he didn't. All he said was, "Then what does he help you with?"

Talking about my numbers was getting boring, but I sighed real deep and told him anyway, "Just with the older school stuff… y'know. The harder stuff." Waving both hands this time, I looked up at that guy and decided not to stop until he 'commented.'

He stared down at me as we walked. My arms were getting tired. Finally he asked, "_Why_ are you doing that?"

I smiled real big, telling him importantly, "I see you saw my arms waving. You 'commented' on them."

That guy put a hand on his cheek as he watched me and said, "God you were a weird kid."

I thought that was a strange thing to say and was going to tell him so, but then I saw this giant ring up on the top of the hill and that was cool so I started running up the hill so I could see it better.

"Do you see this giant ring?" I yelled down to Mr. Owen's friend.

I got to the top of the hill! I ran right up to the edge of the ring and poked the side of it! I hurt my finger. "There are drawings on this thing too!" I yelled when I saw them. And I think they were much more pretty then the drawings back in the cave.

"You're amazingly perceptive," the man said, 'cause he'd finally gotten up to the top of the hill with me and I knew he was impressed that I noticed the drawings.

"I do not know what per…per-peptiv means."

"Yeah, anyway, if you want to go home, you have to get away from the ring." was all that guy said, pushing at a big rock in front of him that I had not seen before. But who could blame me 'cause a brand new giant ring distracted me!

"Yeah except, why do you like rocks so much?" I asked him very curious. "I like rocks too, 'specially the pointy ones, but I think you like them more than me, even."

But that guy didn't answer me, because suddenly his rock started making noises and his face got very surprised and confused. "What the- who…?" And then it was a good thing I had listened to that guy earlier and went away from the giant ring, because it suddenly EXPLODED.

And I truly mean it! It just exploded right where I had been! A bunch of water came out real super fast, except then it stopped and became a giant puddle instead. A big, giant, sideways puddle! It is perhaps the craziest thing I have ever seen in my whole life maybe!

I was going to 'comment' on it but I did not even get the chance 'cause that guy was running towards me and I was in the air all of a sudden.

"Hey! Lemme' go!" I yelled angrily and tried to get to the ground by kicking him.

"Stop- Quit it! We have to get away fr-"

But I stopped listening to that guy, because you will never believe what happened next! PEOPLE started coming THROUGH the puddle!

I was so surprised that my mouth opened all by itself and I stopped moving.

The new people almost did not see us, because we were behind the big puddle now, but then my mouth came back to life. "ARE YOU MERMAIDS?" I asked them very excited, "BECAUSE DID YOU KNOW YOU JUST CAME OUT OF WATER AND YOU-" but then you will not believe what that guy holding me did! He put his hand right over my mouth!

The maybe-mermaids heard me though, and they all turned towards us, and they looked excited too. Then one of them yelled, "Do not move!" and they must've been talking to the guy behind me, because I could not go anywhere actually.

And that was when I saw the mermaid. He stepped forward through a group of his friends, wearing a funny hat and a brown jacket. My stomach felt a little strange when I saw this mermaid.

The guy holding me tightened his grip a little.

"Doctor McKay." the mermaid said, slowly coming toward us. A bunch of his friends went with him too.

"Koyla." the guy answered, and he sounded even more angry then Mr. Owen's was when I didn't finish my homework I think. But at the same time he sounded nervous too, like me when I had to tell him I didn't finish the homework.

"Good to see you again Doctor," Koyla smiled, then looked down at me and said, "and who's this?"

"Er… an Athosian kid." the guy answered, sounding nervous, and his grip was even tighter now, and it was not fun anymore and I wanted down now.

"He does not look Athosian." Koyla said, still looking at me, and I started pushing against the guy's hands and squirming around a lot. "I think he wants something," he added with a very small smile. I didn't like his smile I decided.

"What are you doing here?" Mr. Owen's friend asked very quickly, and maybe he was trying to make Koyla stop looking at me.

It worked, Koyla's eyes slid up past me and he said very quietly, "We came to find the Ochbar's Youth." He smiled again. "You… are just a bonus."

"Well, Ochbar's Youth is in the cave," and he moved his hand off my mouth to point down the hill, "Have fun."

Koyla looked like the guy had just told a funny joke, and he said very ha-ha, you make me laugh-ish: "And we'll just leave you and your friend here, then?"

"Well hey, if you're offering…"

"I also think that's maybe a good idea." I added, because the guy had forgot to put his hand over my mouth after he'd finished pointing.

"Do you?" Koyla said, head snapping back down towards me, looking very interested. "What's your name?"

The guy's hand went over my mouth so fast that my whole head banged into his chest.

Koyla's eyes narrowed dangerously. Just like Pete does when I pull on his tail too much. "Let him speak, Doctor."

With my head on his chest now, I could hear the guy's heart beating very fast against my ear.

"Why? He's just an annoying little kid, let's just- let's just- look, I'll go show you the cave and we'll-"

Koyla's friends lifted their water guns high up- because mermaids have water guns, I know this- and Koyla said, "Let him speak." He waved over at his friends, and I thought that his waving was not nearly as much fun as the guy behind me. "You do not want the alternative."

After a minute, very slowly, the guy moved his hand.

I opened my mouth real wide when it was free and looked up at the guy with a 'specially angry frown. "I am not annoying and that was not very nice!"

The guy didn't even look back down at me; he was still watching Koyla.

"Child."

I saw that Koyla guy was talking to me, so I asked, "Are you guys really mermaids? For real real?"

Koyla's face did not change nearly as much as the guy, but it did change a little when I asked my question. But he told me, "We are the Genii. Are you Athosian?"

My eyes bugged out real big, and I yelled, "You're genies! That is a HUNDRED times better than stinky mermaids!" I held out my hands very excited. "I'll have my three wishes right now please!"

I don't think he understood me, and I quickly became suspicious that they really weren't genies at ALL 'cause that Koyla did not even ask me what my wishes were! He just said, "What is your name?"

Frowning, I told him, "My name is John, but I don't think I will be talking to you anymore." I twisted around in the guy's arms and looked up at him, "Let's go to your house now. We can have cookies right?"

From his face, I guessed he did not get cookies ever.

I patted his arm very sympathetic. "Don't worry, my mom will make you cookies."

"I must say Doctor," Koyla suddenly butt-in rudely, sounding very surprised and happy, "I'm impressed. I did not believe the Ochbar's Youth could actually function. And yet, once again, you surprise me."

The guy looked kinda' sick and he didn't say anything.

"Now, you will accompany us back to the cave." Koyla waved at one of his friends, "Take Colonel Sheppard-" he smiled real funny and stopped. Then he said again, "Take Sheppard to Cowen. He'll decide what to do with him."

"Wait!" the guy holding me said, sounding very scared. Koyla's friends didn't stop though. "You can't just take him-"

One of the genie people pulled me from the guy and I started kicking and yelling, not liking this at all.

And then I saw that the guy had a plan all along! Because he got away from the genie people before they could grab him and ran towards that big rock he'd been standing at when this whole thing started.

"Stop him!" Koyla ordered, very bossy.

But the guy had grabbed that big stack of clothes I'd been tripped in earlier, and he was going through it very quickly and he looked like needed to get something FAST.

Just as one of the genie people grabbed his arm, he pulled something from the clothes, and threw it right into the group of genies around the giant ring.

"Take cover!" someone yelled, but not many of them got to, because that thing he threw exploded before anyone could even move.

The person holding me lost their grip and I fell onto the ground, rolling and rolling away.

I couldn't see, and my ears felt like a million doorbells were being pressed inside them; but I did feel someone grab my shirt, and I thought that maybe it was that genie guy again so I tried to get away very frantic-like.

But the person wrapped a very very strong arm around me, and I could not even move it a little, so I was lifted from the ground again even though I didn't want to be.

The doorbells were still ringing through my ears, but I was pretty sure I heard that guy I knew say, "Hang on." so I stopped fighting so much and worked on trying to clear out those eyes of mine.

After a little while the world wasn't so blurry and I could make a big black something in front of me. Oh. It was that guy's shirt. My heard still kind of hurt.

"Did you throw a grenade?" I tried to ask him, but my voice sounded like maybe I had been eating sand, but I hadn't and that was good because last time I did that mom got really mad and made me drink something really gross.

But the guy must've understood me anyway. "Just… a stunner." And also, I think he sounded really tired too, and I tried to look over his shoulder to see just how far he'd run from those mean genies, but he kept a really strong hand on my back and I couldn't move much.

"Look…" he breathed real deep, "we're going to hide in the trees here…" he did it again; "and this time, _no talking."_

"Okay."

After a quadrillion more minutes of this guy carrying me through the forest, he finally stopped and let me down, dropping that stack of clothes next to me.

"Oh God… I hate running..." he was leaning very heavy on his knees with his hands, staring down at the floor. "We need a plan."

I squirmed, awfully uncomfortable. "Yeah, except I have to go to the bathroom?"

He turned his face up to stare at me. "What?"

"I have to go to the bathroom." I said again, but 'specially slow this time so I knew he would understand me nice and clear.

He grimaced. "Seriously? Is it one or two?"

I put a hand over my mouth and laughed 'cause it was funny to talk about that stuff, and I told him through my hand, "One." And then I laughed again.

He lifted an eyebrow and pointed off to the forest as he stood up real straight. "Go over there. Fast."

Dropping my hand I stared off to where he pointed, asking, "Except there are no genies over there, right?"

"No." He looked down at me. "No genies."

"Good!" I said, marching off. "I did not like them!"

He said behind me, "Feeling's mutual."


End file.
